3 Ways to Remind Your Child That Your Divorce Is Not Their Fault

 Posted on November 06, 2026 in Divorce

When children are facing the difficult reality that their parents are getting divorced, they might respond by internalizing the conflict between the adults. Most children are generally not privy to the many arguments behind closed doors and disagreements that the parents have had for many years. As a result, children may turn inward and blame themselves for their parents’ failing relationship, as well as for the divorce itself. While you might realize that your divorce has nothing to do with your child, he or she might not be so sure, and it is your job to help your child to stop accepting the blame.

At Goostree Law Group, we bring decades of divorce experience to help our clients navigate the end of their marriages. Our St. Charles, IL family law attorneys can advise you of how to handle these delicate situations while also representing you in child custody proceedings.

How Can You Break the News of a Divorce to Your Child in 2026?

Divorce can be a difficult subject to broach with your child, whether he or she is seven or 17. No one knows your child better than you, but oftentimes, the best approach involves a calm conversation.

#1: Talk Openly and Carefully

If a divorce is coming, you and your spouse should make every effort to speak with your child together about what will soon be happening. You must be very clear that the split is due to issues that you and your spouse have with one another. Your child did not break the marriage, and he or she cannot fix the marriage.

Also, be sure to talk to your child in a manner that is appropriate for their age, including the details you choose to share. For example, it might be true that the stresses of child-rearing did cause damage to the relationship between you and your spouse. However, if you say that to your second grader, he or she could interpret that as you saying that he or she caused your divorce by simply existing.

#2: Invite Ongoing Communication

Once you have told your child about the divorce, do not have preconceived expectations about how he or she will handle the information. Everybody handles difficult news in his or her own way. It is also important to avoid asking your child to keep things to himself or herself. Do not put the pressure of secrets on your child. Instead, tell your child only what you are comfortable with others finding out. Similarly, do not force your child to talk to you right away. Instead, offer a safe, welcoming atmosphere in which your child can talk about their concerns or feelings without negative consequences.

It is okay to ask for honesty. If your child hides issues or lies about them, they will only get worse. Your child should know that he or she will not be forced to talk to you about things, but whenever your child is ready to talk, he or she must be truthful so that you can address any issues or problems appropriately.

#3: Consistency Is Key

It is not a good idea to avoid or deflect the hard questions. If you do, your child may feel ashamed that he or she asked. It is also okay not to know exactly how to address your child’s concern, but do not make up an answer or lie. Instead, tell your child that you will work together in finding an answer. This will help your child feel heard and valued instead of shut down and guilty. It is also important to listen closely to how your child is talking to you. By doing so, you may be able to identify instances of self-blame. Be sure to redirect responsibility for the divorce back to the adults.

How Can You Avoid Parental Alienation in Your Divorce?

Parental alienation happens when one parent turns a child against the other parent. Sometimes it happens without either parent meaning to. A parent might complain about the other parent in front of the child. He or she might roll their eyes at the mention of the other parent’s name or ask the child to pass along messages. Over time, the child may feel like he or she has to pick a side.

To avoid this, keep adult problems between the adults. Speak about your former spouse in a neutral way, even when you feel hurt. Let your child enjoy time with the other parent without guilt. Do not ask your child to report back on what happens at the other home. If you have a concern, bring it to your former spouse or raise it through your attorney.

Your child loves both parents. Supporting that bond helps your child feel safe. It can also help your case, since Illinois courts look at whether each parent supports the child’s relationship with the other.

How Are Child Custody Evaluations Used in Illinois Divorces?

In some Illinois divorces, parents cannot agree on a parenting plan. When that happens, the court may order a child custody evaluation. A trained professional, such as a psychologist or social worker, meets with each parent and the child. The evaluator may also visit each home, review records, and speak with teachers or doctors. Then the evaluator writes a report with recommendations for the judge (750 ILCS 5/604.10).

The judge does not have to follow the report. Still, it often carries great weight. An evaluator will notice if one parent speaks badly about the other or tries to coach the child. He or she will also notice which parent stays calm and puts the child first.

If your case involves an evaluation, be honest and cooperative. Prepare your child and let him or her know that the evaluator wants to learn about the family. Remind him or her that there are no wrong answers. An attorney can help you understand what to expect.

Contact Our Kane County, IL Family Law Attorneys

If you are a parent who is thinking about a divorce, you may have many concerns. The knowledgeable team at Goostree Law Group can help you reduce the negative effects that the process can have on your children while helping you secure a favorable outcome. Call 630-584-4800 to schedule a consultation with our St. Charles, IL divorce lawyers today.